~Designing Life
New school new teachers but I was unable to make any new friends,
after one year I too an initiative to make two friends, the time of being alone
started my journey of understanding self. My self- talks, my emotions, my
feelings, gave birth to my own world and also the curiosity of knowing does
this happen with all or am I mad?? Introspection of self gave birth to
understanding self better, one of my friend introduced psychology as a subject
to me, I went against my family to take Arts as I wanted to take up psychology
as my major subject. The more I understood self… the more I was able to
understand others. I become conscious about
being a good listener. During My final year internship in a rehab center I
realized how attached I can get with my patients. The involvement with the patients’ issues and
emotions were very high. I was connecting and empathizing with my clients and
that was good but I was attached too, which was dangerous. I still remember
when my patient was getting discharged he came to me and said “I will go out and
complete my education and be a doctor, then you will send your patients to me”
I smiled and agreed to him I was so proud of him that in a month he had shown
tremendous improvement. When he left I ran to my cabin and could not control my
tears. I dint understand why was I crying as I should have been happy that he
was responsible and fine but I understood that I was attached to him, I could
not accept that he was going and I will not be able to see him or talk to him
again. The lists of Counseling Ethics were flashing in front of my eyes… After
that I was being strict with myself, next client I was not at all attached. I
felt as if I was being insensitive. What was it that I did not understand??? I
could not find an answer to it.
I was blessed with amazing senior counselors
who scared the shit out of me during internship and made me comprehend that I just
need to be the way I am, as when my senior counselor saw me being nervous
during the session, especially when I had to sit in silence. She just asked me
to be "self” as I was being stringent I wanted the sessions to be or
rather go in a certain order which was not happening. She asked me to know my
subject well and just be in the session, no preparation all will happen and go
in the flow as it has to go. It took some time for me to digest that as I was
dealing with life of people and I just have to take it easy how is that
possible??? But soon I understood what she was saying.
All I needed was to know
my job well, I needed to know that I have to listen carefully and not think. I
just had to be with my patients and trust me “just be” with lots of love and
acceptance the important thing was also to know the subject well and also to
know my therapies and theories well. That was it and from then till date I am
just being with this beautiful experience and in this journey I learnt to
disconnect as that is the only way to connect well quoted by my seniors “to
connect you need to disconnect” and by
this learning today I am able to design life’s in a healthier way.
In my experience people who know they need to go to the
psychologist don’t take the first step as they feel that others will tag them
as mad, weak, stupid etc. in India people who come to psychologist need courage
their family support as well as the will to come out of the issues. And the
issues can be anything, emotional disturbance, family fights, relationship
issues, sexual issues, trauma, depression, or sometime you just need an ear to
listen to you, someone who can keep our secrets. As a psychologist helps you
get a broader perspective of life and also realistic solutions, making you
independent so that you can make a better decision in your life. To summarize
happy, joyous and peaceful life is designed by a psychologist.
It is easy when you give time to your therapist or a
psychologist you show trust along with patients and I guarantee you, a positive
change, a better life. You need to be very careful in selecting your psychologist
or a therapist. It is important to understand the difference between a
psychiatrist and a psychologist they both complement each other. I understand
that the process is time consuming but one needs to understand that it will
take time for change to occur and also to learn new things. I believe we all
are learners in life, if we are open for learning and are willing to accept the
change than the designing of beautiful life can happen effortlessly.
“It is better to design
life than to compromise with it.”
~Rachana
Awatramani
MA, Counseling Psychologist
